The Ramblings of a Menopausal Woman

I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve written anything, but it’s been a little crazy. If you read this post, you saw that a little over 10 years ago I came to certain peace with certain parts of me I couldn’t change and that lasted for a pretty decent amount of time. This year my body turned against me in a completely different way. It was very unpleasant, included a couple ER visits and surgery, but I started writing again so that’s one good thing. Trauma inspires art. A tale as old as time.

If you have been following along, you know that in the beginning of March I got my first bout of kidney stones and everything went kind of sideways for the next 4 months. What many of you don’t know is during March (a little over a week after my ER visit) my Dad also went to the ER. He almost died that day and had over 20 pounds of fluid drained from his chest while hospitalized. He also had an aortic valve replacement in April, once they were able to get him stabilized. The day after his surgery, my stepmother Becky passed away after having a heart attack and a stroke a few days apart. Leaving my Dad to navigate a whole new normal while my life was anything but normal.

This is an understatement, but from March 5th to May 21st there was A LOT going on. I consider that the end of part one since May 22 we headed to Vegas for Punk Rock Bowling and everything seemed to settle down for a bit. Then we found out my Dad passed away July 5th, which brought a whole set of challenges and started part two of my drama filled life. Hence the mini nervous breakdown.

When we went to Vegas in May, I noticed a big change that no one seemed to pick up the previous few months. From the time I had my annual physical in January and the time we left for PRB I lost 25 pounds! My weight has always been a personal struggle just because I spent the first 30 years of my life trying and failing to gain weight. Also the fact that during that time period I was at some kind of doctor’s appointment once, if not twice, a week and no one ever weighed me is kinda nuts. I kept telling everyone my weight was 165, and no one questioned it. Currently I weigh 140.

During the whole kidney stone saga I was wearing leggings or sweatpants. Things that were easy to get on and off because I had to pee so much. When we went to Vegas I packed some of my favorite shorts, never thinking to try them on because I had been approximately the same weight for the past decade. I was wrong. I put on my shorts and they immediately fell off! To say I was shocked was an understatement.

I had been trying to lose this weight for well over 10 years. I never considered myself overweight, just over what I wanted to be and felt most comfortable in my body. I know it’s strange, but for the first time in a long time I recognize the person in the mirror because it feels like I am back in my own body. Too bad I got productive last year and finally got rid of most of my skinny clothes. Time to go shopping!

Also it’s okay to ask me about it. If you haven’t seen me recently, it’s kinda shocking. Four months of trauma and kidney stones is not a diet plan I would recommend, but I am very happy with the results. If it sticks, it will be a nice consolation prize, considering what I have been through this year.

Things do seem to be settling down a little recently. Fingers crossed, it stays that way for at least a few months. I do keep having some irrational mood swings, but they are improving. It will just take time to get better. (Think good thoughts for Clay, since he’s the one that has to live with me.🤪) The combination of perimenopause and general life trauma, do not work well together. I hit my breaking point about mid July and had a nervous breakdown by myself in my backyard at 10:30pm (That’s a story for another day). That night, I decided to start going to therapy voluntarily for the first time in my life, so that’s a good thing. The last time I went to therapy it was forced on me and I had no desire to be there. I think forced therapy was fairly common for GenX folks. At least from my experience. Hopefully this effort will be more productive.

So that’s what has been happening on this side of the screen. There’s more that I haven’t talked about yet but honestly I am ready for 2025 to be far behind me. Bring on New Year’s Eve!

There’s a running joke about me and my love of a holiday cactus. I have a wall calendar and for August it said “Design a life you fucking love” on a cactus background, I knew things were going to start going the right direction. I’ve decided the Holiday Cactus is a wise soul, so that’s what I am going to do. This morning as we head to Denver for a week, we are going to work on making a life we fucking love. It’s time to take the time and do the things I have always wanted to do, while I still can. Looks like I will have start planning that trip to New Zealand that’s been on my bucket list since I was kid. At 51, it’s safe to say that my options for traveling comfortably will start diminish as the years go by so I better enjoy myself now. DON’T FORGET: When you die, no one will remember how hard you work. Let’s be real, your job opening will probably be posted before your obituary. Spend time with you friends and family, book the trip, call the friend you haven’t spoken to in forever, and make your own adventures! It’s your life so when you reach the end make sure you’re happy with the outcome. I would rather be remembered as someone that did her best complete the game of life with a full scrapbook of wonderful memories of all the adventures with my best friend Clay by my side.

Happy Hump Day everyone!