The Ramblings of a Menopausal Woman

Hey there, I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. It’s been five years since I’ve seen you. Sometimes it feels like maybe a couple months and sometimes it feels like decades.

I will say, I think you did a good job. In case you were wondering. Both of your kids are reasonably sane (look, we all know I was always questionable, but you kept me grounded). Rob and I both have, overall, pretty happy lives. The boys are doing well. C is off starting his life in what seems like a really good fit for him, living in a different city from his parents. N is about to start college. Can you believe it? And he has a pretty serious girlfriend! He looks a lot like Rob when he was that age, with that same crazy curly hair. His is a little longer than Rob ever had it, but hair care products are much better now for people with curly hair. Seriously, where did that even come from? I think Rob, N, and myself are the only ones with curls/waves. Clay and I are doing well. We remodeled another house and spend as much time at the beach as possible.

I still remember the last time I hugged you in March of 2020, when we had brunch at your place right before lockdown. But those aren’t the things I like to remember. As my friends’ five year old told me the other day, “It’s okay Aunt Beth, when I get sad if someone dies I like to think of happy memories. You can try and do that.” That kid is an old soul, and I wish you could have gotten to know her. She probably would have been your new granddaughter. After all, you loved adding to your chosen family. 😘

So so now I’m gonna do that, and we’re gonna think about some happy memories. I remember turning into our neighborhood when I was little and I would ask you to play “drunk driver”, and you would swerve the car from one side of the road to the other. I remember “The Year of the Red Turtleneck” when I was moving from Los Angeles to Chicago after Christmas and needed cold weather clothes. As I was unwrapping presents, the first one was a red turtleneck and I thought how great. The next box I opened was also a red turtleneck but a slightly different style. I opened a couple other things and then grabbed a box and you started laughing. There were tears rolling down your face, lo and behold a third red turtleneck! The best part was you didn’t even realize it until I started unwrapping things.

You loved Christmas so much, I think you shopped for it year round. You wrapped everything at Christmas! Even the stuff in our stockings (which accidentally outed Santa for a neighbor’s kid one year). I remember the year you gave Rob a six pack of canned asparagus for Christmas. It was going back with him to UNC, and you said “Why not let him unwrap it?” The odd part to me was how happy he was when he unwrapped it. 😆

I can remember how happy you were when Clay and I got engaged. You said to me, “He was always the one I wanted you to marry. But if I told you that, he wouldn’t have had a chance”

You knew how independent I was, but that’s kinda your fault. That’s how you raised us. Be strong, speak up for yourself, and surround yourself with a strong friend group. I am thankful you left us with a whole group of backup Moms.

I do wish I had realized what a compliment it was when people told me that I remind them of you. Also, I guess we actually do look alike, who knew? Not you or me, haha.

I remember that you were a really good mom, and not just to the kids you gave birth to. You became a good mom to any kid (or adult) that needed one. You probably gave hope to more people than you could ever know, because when they came your house they actually knew someone cared.

I guess you know the past few months have been hard on me. Shoot, it’s the first time I’ve heard your voice in my head in a long time. No matter how much I wanted to hear it. I still miss you every day.

By the way, I voluntarily signed up for therapy for the first time in life. Crazy, right? (Pun not intended, but kinda funny so I’m leaving it.) I think I lucked out, because the therapist I found just moved to Raleigh so I think she’s still building her client list. She’s pretty cool. It’s kind of funny at the first visit, I had only given her a quick rundown of the past few months and she said “Beth that’s a lot.” Honestly when you say it all out loud, it really is.

Anyways, I just wanted to see how you’re doing and say that I still miss you and that we still think about you, talk about you, or tell silly stories about you all the time. No I still don’t eat shrimp. Can you believe Clay and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in September? I know you’d love that. Still going strong and he seems to still like me. It must be kind of cool to know that you’ll probably have a positive impact on generations to come, if nothing else from when you led by example. We all miss you, I know I do.

Love you, Mom.

See you on the flip-side.💕